How to find a mentor when you don't know anyone senior

You've been told to find a mentor, and every guide says to start with your network. But nobody in yours is a few years ahead of you in the job you want. Your manager is busy, the friends from your last job are at your level, and the message you sent a stranger on LinkedIn two weeks ago is still unanswered.

You don't need one senior mentor to start. You need a few people a step or two ahead of you, met one short call at a time. Decide what you want help with, find people a few years further along, and ask each for 20 minutes and one question. Then tell them what you did with their advice. Mentors come out of the second and third call, not out of a first message asking someone to be one.

How do you find a mentor?

1. Decide what you want help with. Nobody knows what to do with "Will you mentor me?". Everyone knows what to do with "I'm choosing between two offers". Pick one decision, skill or move, and you'll know who to look for.
2. Look a step or two ahead, not at the top. Someone a few years further on still remembers your stage, and their advice fits the job you'll have next.
3. Ask for 20 minutes and one question. "Will you be my mentor?" asks a stranger for an open-ended commitment. Ask how they made the move you're weighing, or what they'd do in your place.
4. Follow up with what you did. Thank them the same day and name one thing you'll act on. A few weeks later, tell them how it went. That gives them a reason to keep talking to you.
5. Ask for another call. If the first went well, ask for a second in a month or two, with a new question. After two or three, you have a mentor, even if neither of you calls it that.

Asking feels like a bigger imposition than it is. In a 2008 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people underestimated by as much as 50% how likely others were to agree to a direct request for help. The askers thought about what saying yes would cost the other person, and forgot that saying no is uncomfortable too.

For what to ask once you're on the call, see our coffee chat questions.

Where can you find a mentor?

Start with people who already know you or your work, then widen the circle:

• Your company. Someone in another team who does the job you want next. They're one message away.
• Former managers and colleagues who've seen your work and have since moved up or moved on.
• Alumni from your school or university who now do the job you want. A shared school is an easy first line.
• People who post about your work. Comment on their LinkedIn or X posts for a few weeks before you write. By then they'll know your name.
• Professional associations. Some run mentoring programmes for members.
• Mentoring platforms. On ADPList, many mentors offer free sessions. On MentorCruise, you pay a mentor monthly.

How do you get a mentor when you don't know anyone senior?

The usual way takes four steps:

1. Make a list of ten people a step or two ahead of you, from the places above.
2. Get on their radar. Comment on a post or two before you write to them.
3. Send a short message. Say who you are, why you picked them and what your one question is, and ask for 20 minutes.
4. Nudge once. No reply in a week? Send one short follow-up, then move to the next name.

It works, but it's slow. Messages to people who don't know you often go unanswered, so you write, wait, nudge and start again with the next name. To meet someone new next month, you'd do it all again.

Touchbase does that part for you. When you sign up, pick "Get career advice", or "Switch into a new field" if you're changing careers. Every week we match you with someone who signed up to help and has at least as much experience as you. If you're switching, we look for someone who works in the field you're moving into. We pick a time you're both free and book a 20-minute video call. Nobody needs convincing, because they're there to help. You can each leave a note before the call: put your one question there.

Do you need one mentor or several?

Several, and they don't all need to be senior. In a 2001 paper in the Academy of Management Review, Monica Higgins and Kathy Kram argued that people get mentoring from several people at once. Senior colleagues, peers, family and people in their community all count. They called it a developmental network. In practice, one person helps you weigh a job offer, another with a difficult manager, and a peer with a new tool.

Some of them can be people you know only a little. A 2022 study in Science of 20 million LinkedIn users found that people you know a little led to the most job moves.

That's the network Touchbase builds, one call a week. Pick "Grow my network" as well, and you can be matched with peers too.

How do you ask someone to be your mentor?

Usually you don't have to. After two or three good calls, ask for something small and specific. "Could I send you an update in a couple of months and get your view on what's next?" That's what mentoring looks like in practice, and it's easier to agree to than a title.

Finding a mentor: quick answers

Do you pay a mentor?

Not for the kind of mentoring in this post, which costs you both 20 minutes. Paid mentoring exists too: on MentorCruise, the mentors on its homepage charge from $120 to $360 a month, with a free first call.

How can I find a mentor online for free?

Use the steps above on LinkedIn, alumni groups and professional communities. On ADPList, many mentors offer free sessions. Touchbase is free and matches you every week with someone who signed up to help.

Can I use ChatGPT as a mentor?

For some of it. It's useful for preparing: finding your one question, practising what you'll say, drafting the follow-up. It can't introduce you to anyone, tell you how things really work at a company, or put in a word for you when a job comes up.

What is the law of 33% in mentorship?

A rule of thumb popular on social media. Spend a third of your time with people ahead of you, a third with peers and a third with people you can help. No study sits behind the numbers, but the idea matches the research on developmental networks above.

How do you find a business mentor?

In the US, SCORE, a resource partner of the Small Business Administration, mentors small business owners at no cost. Otherwise, use the steps above with founders a stage or two ahead of you.

How do you find a mentor as an adult?

The same steps work at any age. Many programmes a quick search turns up are for young people, so start with your company, former colleagues and alumni.

Before your next call

Pick one thing you want help with, find three people a step or two ahead of you, and ask each for 20 minutes. Then tell them what you did with their advice. Keep that up for a few months and you'll have several people to go back to. Touchbase books one of those calls for you every week, with someone who signed up to help. By the time you need a job lead, a reference or a second opinion on an offer, you'll already know who to ask. It's free: sign up for Touchbase.