Networking tips for introverts: how to build a network without events

Every piece of career advice says to build your network, and it usually means a room. Name badges, a drink you hold so your hands have something to do, and two hours of small talk with people you won't hear from again. You go once, leave early and spend the evening recovering. Or you skip it, and your network stays the size it was.

You don't need to get better at events, and being an introvert isn't something to fix. Wanting one real conversation instead of ten quick ones is a good instinct. In Eavesdropping on Happiness, a 2010 study that recorded short clips of people's days, the happiest people had about a third as much small talk as the least happy, and twice as many substantive conversations.

Being the most outgoing person in the room isn't what makes someone good with people, either. In Rethinking the Extraverted Sales Ideal, a 2013 study of 340 call-centre sales reps, the most outgoing ones didn't sell the most. The paper's explanation: the best sellers balanced talking with listening. Networking runs on listening, a good question and a follow-up, and you can do all three one person at a time.

How do you network without going to events?

You can build a network without events by swapping the room for short one-to-one calls, then doing a few small things well:

1. Pick one person a week, not ten. A former colleague, someone whose posts you read, someone a step ahead of you. One call a week is a pace you can keep for a year.
2. Ask for 20 minutes at a set time. "20 minutes on Thursday at 4?" is easier to say yes to than "coffee sometime", and you both know when it ends.
3. Look them up and prepare one or two questions. Ask about their last job move, a project they posted about, or a decision you're weighing that they've already made. Questions about how and why get you past small talk in the first few minutes.
4. Share something real too. Mention a problem you're working on or a move you're thinking about. It gives the other person something to help with, and they'll care about it more than you'd guess.
5. Follow up the same day, in writing. Thank them and name one thing you'll try. You write it in your own time, and it's the line they'll remember you by.
6. Go back to the good ones. A second call a month or two later, with news on what you tried, turns someone you met once into someone you know.

How do you set up one-to-one calls when you don't know anyone?

Setting up one-to-one networking calls the usual way takes four steps:

1. List ten people at your level or a step ahead: former colleagues, alumni, people who post about your work.
2. Get on their radar by commenting on a few of their posts first.
3. Send a short message. Say who you are, why you picked them and what your one question is, and ask for 20 minutes.
4. Agree a time and send an invite. No reply in a week? Nudge once, then move to the next name.

It works, but it's slow. You write to strangers, wait, nudge and start again, and the asking often takes longer than the call.

Touchbase gets you someone new to talk to every week, with no cold messages. Sign up, pick "Grow my network" and tell us when you're usually free. Every week we match you with someone at or near your career stage. We find a time you're both free, at least two days out, and send you both a calendar invite for a 20-minute video call. The other person signed up to meet someone too, so nobody needs convincing. Before the call you can see their field, company and LinkedIn, and leave them a note with what you'd like to talk about.

Want someone further ahead instead? Pick "Get career advice", and we'll match you with someone who signed up to help and has at least as much experience as you.

Why is one-to-one networking easier than it sounds?

One-to-one networking is easier than it sounds because the worries that stop people talking to strangers mostly don't come true. Three studies show how:

• The conversation is better than you expect. In Mistakenly Seeking Solitude, a 2014 study, commuters on trains and buses were asked to talk to a stranger or keep to themselves. Those who talked had a more pleasant trip and got no less done, the opposite of what other commuters predicted.
• Going deeper is less awkward than it sounds. In Overly Shallow?, a 2022 study, strangers who talked about deeper topics found it less awkward and felt more connected than they had expected. They had underestimated how much the other person would care about what they shared. If small talk is the part you dread, you can leave it sooner.
• They liked you more than you think. In The Liking Gap in Conversations, a 2018 study, people consistently underestimated how much their conversation partner liked them and enjoyed their company. Among first-year students getting to know their dorm mates, the gap lasted for months. If you leave a call replaying everything you said, the other person probably came away happier than you did.

These are also the right people to know. In A Causal Test of the Strength of Weak Ties, a 2022 study in Science, researchers followed more than 20 million LinkedIn users over five years. Contacts they knew only a little led to the most job moves. Someone you've had two good calls with is exactly that kind of contact, and Touchbase adds one a week.

Networking without events: quick answers

Is networking harder for introverts?

Networking events are the hard part for a lot of people, because they ask you to meet a room full of strangers in a couple of hours, starting with small talk. Networking itself is getting to know people in your field, and one-to-one calls let you do that at your own pace.

How do you network if you're shy?

Shyness is worry about how others will judge you, which is different from simply preferring quieter places and fewer people. You can have one without the other. If you're shy, start with one-to-one calls, where there's no crowd watching, and remember that after a first conversation, people tend to like us more than we think.

How do you network online?

You can network online in three ways that don't need a room. Comment on posts by people in your field for a few weeks before you message them. Join a small community where the same people show up every week. And take one-to-one video calls, which Touchbase finds and books for you, one person a week.

Do you have to go to networking events to build a network?

No. Events are one way to meet people in your field, not the only one. One call a week adds up to about 50 conversations a year, each a full 20 minutes with one person who chose to be there.

Start with one call

Pick one person this week, ask for 20 minutes and one question, and follow up the same day. Or let Touchbase set it up: we match you with someone new every week and book the call for you both. Keep it going for a year and you'll know about 50 people in your field without going to a single event. When you need a job lead, a referral or a second opinion on an offer, you'll already know who to ask. That's passive networking: knowing people before you need them. It's free: sign up for Touchbase.